A Broken and Failed Marriage - Everyday Living

It seems like ages ago that I heard “We should get a divorce”. Before I knew it, I was signing divorce papers, and thinking this is it. How did we get here? And why did we let this happen? There were so many early signs, but we both realized that our marriage was too far gone. If we had just paid attention to each other’s feelings and fixed things before they were un-fixable, we may still be together. And not have a broken and failed marriage. It was a heartbreaking time in my life, one that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. My biggest regret is not recognizing the signs that were right in front of me.

“Divorce is a process of going through and coming out the other side,” O’Neill says. “A celebration marks that you’re moving forward with your new life.”

Signs of a Broken and Failing Marriage

You feel annoyed to be in the same room together.
You’re always arguing.
You fantasize about being without your partner.
You often consider cheating on your spouse.
Conversations are awkward or overly formal.
You don’t enjoy spending time together.
You’re not happy, ever.
There is constant infidelity in the relationship.
You are always blaming one another for your problems.
You no longer communicate together.
Your sex life is dismal.
Your partner is verbally or physically abusive.
There is substance abuse in the marriage.
You’re only staying together for the kids

How to Cope with a Borken and Failing Marriage

If any of those sounds like your relationship, your marriage is definitely on the wrong path.

Seek marriage counseling, open up the lines of communication, and try to dedicate one weekly date night together. The sooner the better. A weekly date or time purposefully set for each other has been proven to make talking to each other easier, intimacy greater, and lower marital boredom. The studies say “Couples who have a regular date night are also 20% less likely to get divorced.”

Already Have A Broken and Failed Marriage?

Here Are 8 Lessons to Learn

Even if you failed to save your marriage, there’re still lessons to learn from it:

1. Phones Can be a Destroyer

Divorce will teach you is the importance of putting your phone away. A study showed “that 85 % of surveyed smartphone users say they use their device while speaking to friends and family.”

People who snub their partners to play on their phones are at risk of divorce.

2. Gratitude Is Essential

Partners who show gratitude for one another have a great relationship with lots of happiness.

Demonstrating gratitude also inspires a sense of responsiveness and shared behavior, where both partners answer to each other’s needs, without hesitating.

3. Communication Is Really Important

We hear this time and time again, communication is the basis of a great relationship.

And this is SO true!

You have to find someone who isn’t afraid to give you their undivided attention, listens to you without interrupting, looks for ways to solve problems as a team, and loves to talk to you about their day.

4. Your Happiness Matters

Focusing on your happiness or self-compassion is not foolish or inconsiderate. Even if you want to make your loved one happy and shower them with gifts, you must look out for your own interests.

Find someone who gets you, who respects you, and who makes you feel special. Find someone who makes you laugh.

5. Know Your Deal Breakers

It is good to know what they are. Instead of going into a relationship thinking you can change the mannerisms that you don’t like, find someone who shares your intrests.

6. You Can’t Change Someone

When partners think that once they are married, their partner will change for the better. Think again! Trust me, you can’t force your partner to change. Only they can do that.

7. Maintain Your Friendships

One of the biggest things you can learn from a breakup is the urgency of maintaining your friendships.

When we get into a serious relationship, there is a tendency to distance yourself from our friends and family. We end up wanting to spend all of our time and energy with our partner because we are so in love. But think about this – if it doesn’t work out, who will be there after for you?

8. Sex is Cruical for a Happy Relationship

One big sign that your relationship was doomed was if sex was missing from your failed marriage. If you’re not having sex, you’re not having a great marriage. It sounds harsh but very true! And sometimes it is very hard to hear.

12 steps to start rebuilding your life…

There is also life after divorce – and hope for happiness as a single woman again. It can usually take about 1.5-2 years after a divorce to feel normal again. During those months, there are ways that help women heal, including talking out feelings, taking classes and even dating again

1. Let yourself grieve.
The breakup of a marriage is like a death. It is natural to mourn the life and lifestyle you’ve lost – even if you wanted to breakup.

2. Keep a journal.
Writing about your emotional battles may lessen some pain.

3. Lean on friends.
Count on close friends to make sure you are not doing anything stupid or reckless.

4. Seek professional support.

Girlfriends who are there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on are so valuable. But it’s better to talk with a therapist or spiritual advisor about how to move on properly.

5. Reinvent yourself.
When you’ve been one half of a couple, losing that role can make you question who you are. figure out who you are as a single person, and love being that.

6. Make new friends.
After your divorce, you may feel like the odd woman out in a paired-up world. That’s why you’ll need to find new single friends. And seeing new people is less time spent on hurting memories and emotions.

7. Start dating again.
Flattering male attention is a great way to reinflate a bashed-up ego. Ask friends for fix-ups. Or go online to a few trusted dating sites. Just remeber to make it light and have fun.

8. Get back your groove.
Once you’re dating, there’s the possibility of sex. This could be both thrilling and scary. You may feel old or have let yourself go, but take the time to get familiar with your body again.

9. But take it slow.
It can be appealing to sleep with someone new right away. But take the necessary precautions. Also, remember that casual sex hardly ever comforts what really hurts.

10.Get smart with finances.
Get up to speed on money matters – fast.

11. Make a bucket list.
Divorce offers the chance to rediscover old – and new – interests that you stopped when you were married.

12. Celebrate being single.
When you are ready to come out of the divorce gloominess, celebrate the occasion. Go on a trip with friends. Have a party to raise a drink to your new single life. Just have FUN!

Final Thoughts

By using this marriage advice, you can learn the signs that your marriage is fading so you can try to save it before it is too late. You can even stop your next relationship from falling apart again by knowing the source of a failed marriage.

A failed marriage doesn’t mean that love isn’t for you, but it’s important to learn from the mistakes of past relationships.

And also take the time to renovate your life. Learn to take care of yourself and most of all LOVE being you!

Make sure to read more of my posts on Everyday Living!

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