Something I Miss

Blog – The Rocky Roads of Life Written October 14, 2018

Hello Friends, 

This post is a hard one for me.   

I have had lots of losses in my life, that sometimes it feels so unfair.  

I can’t just pick one thing that I miss more than the other. 

Well, I can actually. 

I miss my Mom. All-day, every day.  

She is always in my thoughts.  Even in my dreams. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. 

I know where she is and I know and believe I will see her again someday.  

She just left this world way to early.  

There was still so much life she could have experienced. So much she missed out on. 

I am a little ways away from coming upon the same age that she was when she died, and I still feel like there still so much I need to do.  

Stuff I need to experience, enjoy and go through. 

I really hope that she is proud of me and who I have become.

And then there are all the other things that I have lost.   

Which seem so minimal and petty. 

But if you haven’t actually have lost them, then you can’t really understand. 

I don’t ever want to say that my losses are greater than the next person.   

No one can measure that out. 

I have lost my hair.   

Well, I have some, but it’s very thin and not much there.   

I feel like 90-year-old men have more than me.  

Since I lost it all during Chemotherapy, It has not come back.  

Not even a little bit nicer, where I can go without a hat or wig.  

And this has been going on for 8.5 years now

It can be very frustrating at times.   

I wear a toque to bed because it’s too cold to have a bear head.  

In the summer, it’s too hot to wear anything, but I have to if I don’t want people staring at me, or scaring little children into tears.   

Trust me, it happens. 

I have also lost my eyesight in my right eye. 

It was after my stem cell transplant.  

I was in the hospital for some other complications. 

It happened slowly and over a few weeks.   

Then I thought it was just a short-term thing, and the doctors would fix it.  

But it still has not come back.  

My right eye sees dark shadows at the most.  

So, learning to only have one eye that sees has been a challenge, to put it lightly. 

There are many more things that I miss and wish that I didn’t miss them as much as I do sometimes.   

Life is so precious and every day counts.  

I don’t like dwelling on things.  

I feel like it holds people back from moving forward. 

And learning to live without the things that they miss most.  

It’s hard and takes some getting used to. 

Take it one day at a time, and think of all the things you do have. 

There is probably more than you think. 

Love, 

Sarah

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